yeah, so now this amish school house shooting. how can people be so selfish? HOW? the murderer was "angry at the world." apparently he lost a daughter a few years ago. so he decided to turn around and inflict the most horrible pain imaginable on other people? innocent people? he sent a pregnant lady out of the room. how thoughtful of him to concern himself with the life of an unborn child...apparently, only 5 to 13-year-old girls deserve to be tied up and shot execution style. everyone says not to dwell on this kind of stuff, that it will only drive me crazy. IT SHOULD DRIVE ME CRAZY. the only reason i could possibly push this kind of thing out of my mind, is because it hasn't directly affected myself or someone i know. is that the standard i am supposed to have? ignore it, unless it happens to me? don't let it get to me? i'm sick of people sending me that message. when something happens to YOU, should i ignore that, too? in my civil rights class, we had to state what we thought the biggest problem with america was. i said it was a lack of compassion. why do we refuse to put ourselves in other people's shoes? for pretty much every issue i care about, that's what it comes down to. and the people committing these heinous crimes lack compassion, and often, it seems much of the public does too.
when i have the time, i think i'll be making a new livejournal that won't be quite so public. to the girl who said something to me about that, you're right. i wish i hadn't given so much info out in the past. bleh.
umm. until then?
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful weather the last few days. i tabled for my club from 9-1 and it was lovely (although hot midday). i had a lot of fun today. unfortunately, i now have a paper to begin, which is due tomorrow, and which (of course) i have known about all semester.
darn it! this is the most interesting paper i've had to write in a long time, and now i'm kicking myself for not starting sooner. i hate to rush through it!
oh yeah, and recommendation to all: subscribe to the "npr books" podcast on itunes. everyweek you get an automatic update, and then you can listen to the best radio show ever on your ipod. forget buying the $50 radio-thingy for ipods, podcasts are freeee. and i love npr so so so much. and books. and npr books.
and now that i've been listening to npr all day, i keep re-reading my paper as i go, outloud, in my most npr-ish voice. it's fun.
ps...two of my favorite words, ever:
implications inherently
nothing fancy, but they work so well in any debate or paper!
ahhh! big paper due tonight at 11pm and i only have 1/5 done! and im supposed to go to the movies w/ my friend!
(although it's to see last kiss and i am very anti-last-kiss, anti "other woman," and will probably end up hating zach braff for eternity)
today i saw tons and tons of HUGE turtles swimming around like crazy under the bridge/dock on campus! some guy joined me and started feeding them, and i've never seen turtles move so fast! they're like fish! ohh it was soo cute. i am so angry i didn't have my video camera.
i haven't been able to do laundry, make myself a real meal, or clean my room in weeks. that's how much i'm never home.
crap. i don't even remember my original intent for writing this. gotsta gooo.
oh. by the way. this school shooting in colorado makes me want to murder somebody. hand-picking his female hostages. killing one. i bet all those boys he sent away feel pretty shitty. i'm not accusing them of anything, it's just...something they'll probably have to deal with. i'm just mentioning this one example because it's in the news, but all of this. all of this goddamn violence...rape, murder, torture that i read about every day, it brings out an animalistic rage in me. i swear to god, as much as i hate violence for solving problems, i can assure you, if i had the opportunity...i would not go easy on these fucking bastards. the 50-something-year-old murderer at the school killed himself, and had to bring a fucking 16-year-old girl with him. he stole her life. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him.
i remember once dominic and i were discussing the little white supremacists "prussian blue," and he exclaimed to me..."i realized i hate them! and then i realized how easily hate breeds hate!" it's true.
[update] now they're saying "He did traumatize and assault our children," Park County Sheriff Fred Wegener said. "I'll only say that it's sexual in nature."
OH! and what makes me even more angry are the comments aol users are leaving (all these news sites are starting to allow readers to comment on the news stories). and soooo many of the comments are so hateful, disgusting, sexist...just evil. "this guy wasn't a pedophile, he just needed sex. if he'd been able to get a prostitute, this wouldn't have had to happen." (that's right, it "had" to happen.) and then there are all the "haha yeah!" comments that follow that shit. it's all over the place. it makes me so...filled with dispair.
last night, work was a lot of fun. let's just say, the rewarding aspects of the job have really become apparent. and i was observed by my "mentor" who was nice and offered good constructive criticism. okaay and he's pretty cool. i'm not saying more than that because he could read this!
today, i got to campus early to do some reading for class (i have a presentation) and i decided to print the readings and take them out to the reflection pond. BECAUSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE!!! my friend danny saw me and joined me; he said he couldn't bear the thought of studying in the library in this amazing weather either. and i was reading zora neale hurston and toni morrison for class! how perfect is that?? although i was horrified to discover that after her literary success, hurston was actually sort of exiled from the literary world and "died a pauper's death after years of working as a maid in florida." WTF?! and ali told me that there is a TONI MORRISON CLASS!! i'm so taking it.
another exciting thing happening soon is my trip to washington dc! i feel unworthy, but i'm seriously looking forward to it, and i feel totally indebted and grateful to the people who encouraged me to go.
i went to a law school admission forum the other day, led by one of my favorite professors (an old guy...i love old guys). it began to lull me into a false since of security about getting into law school, but i won't fall for that. not until i take the lsat. ohhhh i hope i do well on the lsat. i will be so upset if i don't. i'm not anywhere near ready; i've never even taken a practice test, and i'm pretty sure i'll end up doing an expensive prep class. such bullshit, but everyone takes the classes these days, so if you want to compete with them, you have to do it too. otherwise you're just disadvantaged.
wow. most likely, i graduate next fall. that's less than a year away! LESS THAN A YEAR AWAY UNTIL I GRADUATE COLLEGE?! i can't believe i'm so far along in "the college years." an experience you hear about and dream about and then...it just happens. and flies by! although i have grown a lot, as keith and i were discussing the other day. the two of us have changed sooo much since we first met in our gen ed history class! i can't help but chuckle when i think about what kids we were when we first met. not that we aren't now. but...we're different kinds of kids.
well, that's enough rambling for now. i have an hour to prepare questions to lead a class discussion with my group for class.
oh puhlease. yes, a hair cut can signify change. but that does not mean it's a fucking "spiteful...emotional kick to the balls." i can't believe a woman wrote this article. i will be responding.
When She Cuts Her Hair...Look Out
When your wife, who has had long hair since you've known her, suddenly decides one day that a nice shoulder length bob would flatter her more, or worse, comes home out of the blue one day with all her hair hacked off, look out. This is probably around the time she'll stop having sex with you, and probably around the time she'll start mentioning breaking up, or divorce. At the very least, you should understand that she is going through something very emotional, very unpleasant, and more than likely, something very much related to you.
When a woman cuts her hair off, it's not about wanting a cute new look, no matter what anyone says. It's about sheer emotional turmoil. If you don't believe it, just look at what's been happening in Hollywood.
Nicole Kidman cut all her hair off, spontaneously, and then a month later her divorce was announced. Jennifer Aniston hacked off all the hair that she was famous for immediately after her wedding to Brad Pitt, and later told Vanity Fair about the tremendous stress she was under during and after the wedding and how the first year of their marriage has been the hardest of her life. If you looked into the lives of every celebrity who had long hair for a time and then snipped it off, like Kim Bassinger or Meg Ryan, among others, you would find emotional stress and strife, and usually, divorce. You'd also find all that luxurious hair grown back as soon as the lady has found happiness with a new love. The only mystery here is why more people haven't caught on to this subtle, but deadly, warning sign.
But why should this be? Why should a woman's hair have anything to do with her emotions?
Because hair, for almost every woman, represents femininity and beauty, and sometimes, therefore, what she thinks of herself. When you deal with these aspects of a woman, emotions naturally run high.
It's no accident that stressful or unpleasant days have been dubbed "bad hair days", since the emotions a woman feels when things aren't going well are almost as unpleasant as what she feels when she just can't get her hair to look nice or lie flat or conform to the style she wants. And conversely, you'll never see confident sexuality and buoyant self esteem more magnificently displayed than in a woman who has gorgeous hair and knows it. A woman's emotions are more closely linked to her hair than to any other part of her, as any woman who seeks out a wig after chemotherapy will tell you. Samson, the biblical figure who lost his power when Delilah cut off his hair, should have been written as a woman.
Not every woman can be physically beautiful. We women all know, and lament, this fact. But almost all of us have the ability to grow long, feminine, beautiful hair, something that is not only rewarded and encouraged as a sexual, sensual, beautiful thing by men but also something that doesn't require genetic good luck or unreasonable effort to attain. With one simple swirl of our long shiny locks, we can feel attractive, sexy, playful, young and vibrant, even if nature didn't endow us with big breasts or long shapely legs. We know that beautiful hair makes even the plainest woman instantly more attractive to men, and that one dollop of sweet smelling shampoo and a loose cascade of touchable, shiny hair over the shoulders makes our men go weak in the knees. We spend thousands of dollars a year on shampoos, conditioners, hair dyes, highlights, trims, perms and hair accessories, partly for the pleasure it gives us to make a part of ourselves as beautiful as possible, but mostly to illicit that turning head or that smile of delight on the faces of men we admire.
This is, of course, one of the key reasons why it's such a clear indication of displeasure when a woman cuts off all that beautiful hair. Women know how much men love their hair, and so when they cut it all off they are effectively cutting men off, from their beauty, from their attractiveness to them, from their love. It's a clear gesture of defiance, or dissatisfaction, or despair, a spiteful kind of emotional kick in the balls.
It may not be consciously done - I doubt many women go into their beauty salons and tell the stylist they want a buzz cut just to alienate their husbands - but it is a very real signal that something is wrong. Many women, for whatever reason, are uncomfortable speaking their minds and expressing their emotions fully, and often try to repress their feelings. Strong feelings will find a way out though, somehow, even if they manifest themselves in the quiet rebellion of a new haircut. Like the women who deny their husbands sex out of anger or emotional upset, women who cut their hair are denying their husbands the pleasure they know they derive from it.
I believe it is also a kind of mute request for understanding, a warning shot she fires at her man in the hopes that he'll snap out of his apathy or bad behavior and realize that he's hurting her in some way, or ignoring her, or failing her as a husband. It is the ultimate hint. It's also usually the last hint he'll ever get. By the time she reaches for those scissors she's exhausted every other avenue she can think of to solve her problems and put her marriage back on track. Unless he catches on, the marriage is in trouble.
If your wife comes home with a shorter hair cut one day, consider yourself warned. Talk to her. Find out what's really bothering her. Even if she claims she just wanted a new look, make absolutely sure there isn't something else bothering her. Tell her you don't believe she would do something so drastic on a whim. Chances are she'll appreciate the fact that you've noticed a bigger change in her than simply the length of her hair. And on the off chance that just wanted to copy Jennifer Aniston's shorter look, she'll be touched at your concern for her and for your marriage.
Whatever you do, don't ignore it. If you do, her hair won't be the only thing to go.
ah this guy behind me in the library is on the phone. he's telling someone that he doesn't know what to do; his roomate/friend is really upset...because his girlfriend just died. "yeahhh, man...she died in a car accident."
seriously, those words make my stomach drop. and i get a little dizzy.
shopping. i haven't done it in a long time. but i did manage to grab some stuff while grocery shopping at target yesterday. remember the days when target wasn't somewhere you would buy clothes? barely.i got some pants for yoga that i LOVE. the ones i'd been wearing were really tight; not such a good thing when you're being all bendy and twisty. these are dark green and loose and long long long and oh so comfortable, and my old friends would be proud. i haven't owned a pair of sweats since i was a kid! i also got a mini courderoy (sp?)khaki skirt that will be good with tights and boots in the fall/winter (if it ever starts cooling down!). and this hat:
yes, i haven't posted pictures in a long time because my digital camera is broken. as you can see along the left side of the picture, it is black and fuzzy. that's because the lense won't close all the way. sometimes it won't open at all, and when it does that, the camera just gives you an error message. you never know when it's going to work, the darn thing.
i had a great great great weekend with jason. no reason in particular. just great.
oh yes, and i attempted to "model" for a girl i know who's a photographer (doing pictures for a clothing line)--key word: attempted. let's just say...i was not cut out to do that! MOLLY! IF YOU READ THIS, JUST KNOW...YOU MISSED SEEING ME AT MY MOST AWKWARD, EVER! the other girls were like, moving moving moving bam bam bam and i was just like...uhhhh...what do you want me to do? does this look weird? i dont know what to do! can someone show me! OMMGGG. yes. i'm not exaggerating. toward the end i started to get more comfortable...but that was toward the end. i am just DYING to see how uncomfortable the pictures turned out. jeez. it's just not the same as taking pictures of yourself in the mirror for myspace!
i don't normally hate movies, but the black dahlia...was terrible. it had so much potential but it was totally squandered. it was awful. i was so pleased when the movie ended and a guy stood up and announced "alright, where's the line to get my money back?" and everyone in the theater started laughing. yep. we all hated it.
anyway, we had a get-together at our place. here's the proof:
1) i'm really sick. i can hardly breathe. AND my back is killing me. i couldn't even go to yoga today :( 2) i bought two cds: the brazilian girls, and john mayer. 3) i have too much school work to do. toooo much. 4) jason is coming friday night. he is being soo sweet lately. (not that you aren't always, dear.) he even picked me up a 12-pack of those bottled starbucks frappucinos that i love and promised to take me out to dinner downtown this weekend! 5)___ 6) i've been having a lot of fun with my new camcorder. took it back to lake claire and on a bike trail after work the other day, and i think i'll be able to get a firewire card and start editing on the library computers soon, until i get my own back from best buy. 7) my hair is dark brown again. everyone's asking me why i went back to something "so plain." 8) i didn't think i'd fit much "reading for pleasure" into this school year, but i did just finish the book of laughter and forgetting, and i think it may be my new favorite, of all time. i recommend it to everyone. 9) did i mention how much school work i have to do? i think i will start looking at it now.
i wish i had known more about ann richards BEFORE she died. i found this stuff online.
Quote du Jour
“I did not want my tombstone to read, ‘She kept a really clean house.’ I think I’d like them to remember me by saying, ‘She opened government to everyone.’” — Ann Richards (1933 - 2006), Texas governor, shortly before leaving office in January 1995 Bonus Quote du Jour from Gov. Richards: “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels.”
Former Texas Gov. Ann Richards died yesterday after being diagnosed with cancer six month ago. She was Texas’ last Democratic governor, and was replaced after one successful term by George W. Bush.
Richards was a master of memorable rhetoric. At the Democratic Convention in 1988, she famously said of the first Pres. Bush, “Poor George. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” She could have said the same thing about the current Pres. Bush.
Here are Ann’s rules for How to Be a Good Republican. Written late in the Clinton presidency, in 1999 or 2000, they are still true today:
1. You have to believe that the nation’s current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday’s gasoline prices are all Clinton’s fault. 2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. 3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time. 4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don’t deserve theirs. 5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun. 6. You have to believe…everything Rush Limbaugh says. 7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor. 8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty. 9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn’t diminish your opportunities, but you still won’t vote for Alan Keyes. 10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit. 11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha. 12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands. 13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio. 14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins. 15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out. 16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton. 17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads. 18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.
people--mostly women--across the US are suffering from e.coli they got from BAGGED SPINACH!! bagged spinach is the only vegetable i eat!! i thought that you got e.coli from freakin' uncooked meat, wtf is up with this?! and i just read that in '93 there was an outbreak that killed 700 people...holy crap. why have i never heard about that??
i have so so much school work to do.
and i'm so not in the mood.
but. i am really loving the book i'm reading, called "wide sargasso sea," which was written as a kind of prequel to jane eyre, but by a different author, focusing on a different character (the crazy wife in the attic, bertha, if you've read jane eyre). it's my kind of book. kind of toni morrison-ish, maybe? or maybe i'm just lumping together every book that speaks in ebonics about the effects of slavery on people.
anyway, there are a million different themes to focus on, but one thing i've been paying attention to is the difference between the proper, british, jane, and bertha, an island girl, who is much more passionate, expressive, free..
in some ways, i think i've always dreamed of england because i associate with the kind of cold, uptightness that is stereotypical of the british (no offense to any of you brits who read this thing). i like my space. i'm not an overly-affectionate person. i'm not prone to acting "wild," a lot of times i look down on people who are, and i sometimes find myself feeling completely revolted at what i see as hedonism all around me. (hypocritical; in a lot of non-partying ways, i'm totally a hedonist too.)
but it frightens me, because i don't WANT to be "that" kind of person, necessarily. in the movie swimming pool, there's this beautiful, wild french girl, and this uptight, british BITCH, and i totally saw myself in the bitch! i don't want to! i don't want to be jane eyre, either! i want to be ludivine sagnier, i want to be bertha! but i don't know. i pick and choose what i'm uptight about. i still love walking around with no clothes on when i'm home alone, or playing barefoot in the grass, or dancing weirdly (when alone)...i'm not consumed with being prim and proper, or anything like that. it's just that, sometimes i think i need to loosen up. but a lot of the time i'm really glad i don't.
i'm really starting to go crazy without having a computer at home.
WHY can't classes be held outside? why aren't computer labs outside? i got to school early this morning, and it was so beautiful out that i was dreading coming to the labs, simply because...it's ugly in here! and there's no fresh air or green grass or warm breeze or blue sky! and i HATE cold air-conditioned buildings. so much. i feel the same way every time i go into a classroom when all i want to do is feel the sun on my face. i've always had this fantasy of being taught by a wise person under an apple tree on a perfect day, like the philosophers used to do (i think...maybe i made that up). i would enjoy learning so much more! even if my normal classes just went outside and sat on the lawn sometimes, it would make me so unbelievably happy.
i saw a friend yesterday, i consider him my "studious" friend, and we were discussing law school. i told him i've been considering lots of other options simply because i'm not so confident i'll get into law school, and he was so sweet, telling me that i have to believe in myself, that that's what keeps him going, etc. aaand. i should probably heed his advice. which is why i will stop livejournaling shortly, and get started on my ever-increasing mountain of school work.
any last news? jason won't be here this weekend, but next weekend. i don't mind, now i'm just looking forward to next weekend instead. not that this one should be bad. after moping around for a few weeks, i'm remembering the friends i do have in orlando! sometimes it's hard for me to go out of my comfort zone and make an effort to spend time with people i'm not already incredibly close to, but i think i should. aaand. hmm. oh, i'll finally be going to an sds meeting today. i've been very uninvolved with all things progressive council since the semester started back, but this is the first week i'm on a normal schedule w/ my classes and jobs, and it's probably time to stop being such a slacker.
speaking of, yes yes, back to the important stuff, no more internet, done slacking...
tonight keith is picking me up so "i can take him out to dinner" (since i can't drive, he's doing the taking, i'm doing the buying). a belated birthday meal to a very good friend!
i am absolutely in love with GAP's new ad campaign and line!! it's all audrey hepburn, lots of black, turtlenecks, etc. j'adore.
today i'm wearing a red plaid shirt i stole from my little brother right before i first left for college and i love it. very homey.
i'm in a better mood, toward school. i got up early and went through all my "important stuff"-- old letters of recommendation, test scores, scholarship announcements, awards, club info--and got a bit inspired again. and while i was originally regretting taking a tough online course (where i've already received bad grades!) i'm realizing now that i have grown SO accustomed to slacking and being able to get away with it, that i really love this hard-nosed lady. the grading/feedback here has been soo pathetic that i think i've gotten cynical about school, but classes like this one remind me why i'm here. that being said, i hope i end up with an ok grade!!!
this morning, i woke up at 6:30, and was out the door by 6:45 with my new camcorder! i was trying to catch the sunrise, but everything was blocking my view, so i ended up just walking around forever, and even exploring some woods a bit. it was awesome. since my COMPUTER is broken, i wont be able to edit or upload any videos for a while, but i can't wait to get started.
i saw the illusionist this weekend. i could point out a lot of things that irked me, but it was still pretty good...especially edward norton. oy vey. tall, skinny, mysterious, brooding..and those eyes. sigh. oh yes, and i saw little miss sunshine and loved it.
i would like to go home to jacksonville soon. my mom and sister and i are going to have lunch with an old woman my mother met through work; my mom loved her and said she's very feisty and she wants us to meet her.
umm. what else. jason is coming this weekend, hooray.
[edit: no he's not. i'm depressed again. why i am so dependent?!]
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